American Horror Story: Beauty Products That “Freaks” Can Get Behind

When Freak Show was announced as the theme for the new season of American Horror Story, we knew the characters we’re going to be good. And the pictures prove that this season will be worth the watch. We’ll witness the horrors that ensue in a place that’s in the nightmares of many. And since we know it’s tough to be a character on this particular show, we thought we’d make life a little easier and pick beauty products for each one of them. Because, that’s what we’re here for.

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Jessica Lange as Elsa Mars, the Ring Leader

Elsa is a former cabaret star from Germany and nothing says cabaret like a bold red lipstick. The Luminous Creme Lipstick ($24) from Bite Beauty in Pomegranate is the perfect choice because it’ll last through every show while still hydrating the lips.

(By the way, we made our very own custom lipstick shade at the Bite Beauty Lab. You can too).

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Sarah Paulson as Bette and Dot Tattler

Is it a cheap shot to choose a product from Too Faced? Well, deal with it! We think the La Belle Carousel ($49) would be the perfect set for a pair of sassy ladies. They’ll have everything they need to create similar, or different looks, depending on how well they get along that day. It comes with three eyeshadow palettes, two blush and bronzer palettes and their infamous Better Than Sex mascara. Even a one-headed lady could put this baby to use!

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Kathy Bates as Ethel Darling, The Bearded Lady

The obvious suggestion here would be some sort of hair removal kit, but for a woman who makes a living as a bearded lady, that would just be an insult. So rather than remove her facial hair, she can keep it well-groomed with a pair of facial hair scissors like these stainless steel ones from Tweezerman ($17).

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Angela Bassett as Desiree Dupree, the Three-Breasted Lady

Now Angela Bassett is a gorgeous woman, but with this character in particular, you just know that eyes won’t always be on her face. So she might as well help support what makes her special. She can do that with Clarins Bust Beauty Extra-Lift Gel ($59). It helps firm, sculpt and strengthen the delicate skin on the neck and decollete with the help of ingredients like oat sugars to tighten, kanafray to moisturize and vu sua extract to boost collagen. It’s a product every three-breasted (or two-breasted) woman should have in their beauty routine to keep the girls perky.

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Emma Roberts as Maggie Esmerelda, Fortune Teller

As a fortune teller (even a phony one), Maggie obviously will know that it’s important to use anti-aging products before any signs of aging appear. Perricone MD Photo Plasma ($69) is a good pick for her because it not only helps reverse the damage caused by the sun and pollution, but it also contains SPF 30 to prevent further aging.

Images: FX Networks LLC