Say What You Want to Say and Then Move On
What if we all just said what we were really feeling? It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Mostly because I've been dating again. Boy, what an emotional roller coaster it is after being in a relationship for over two years. I keep thinking, "Wouldn't life be easier and less traumatizing if everyone was just honest with each other?"
It seems so simple. If someone is into you, they'll make an effort to talk to you and vice versa. I myself have spent hours wondering why a guy hasn't responded to my last text or wondering why it took him so long just to send three words: "Hey. What's up?" But on the other end of the spectrum, I feel guilty when I talk to guys that I have no intention of ever seeing again, but I can't just not respond.
Why? A small part of me likes the intention. Sue me! Plus, I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. It's mean when someone "ghosts" you (aka disappears off the face of the earth), but it also hurts when someone strings you along. I've experienced both.
So because I hate when someone doesn't respond to me, I make an effort to respond to guys that I just don't click with. Then I get myself into situations where they want to meet up again and I have to make some sort of excuse (classic is "my family/friend is in town") and hope they stop trying. And yes, I realize how vain this sounds as I type, but you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've been on the opposite side of this equation too.
But back to the main point. What if we were all just honest with each other? I've even had a guy who made it a point to say he was "brutally honest" string me along. (He turned out to be an asshole, in case you were wondering.) Although it would sting a little, I would appreciate it if someone just said they weren't interested. Then I could just move on and not feel confused.
That's why I decided to try it out. I went on one date with a really nice guy. But I didn't feel the chemistry. When he tried to make plans for the next date, I texted back: I think you're a really great guy, but I just didn't feel a spark and don't want to lead you on. Sorry!
And the response was: Don't apologize for being honest! I have to admit that I didn't feel a spark too. But you can never have too many friends right?
His response was perfect. (Also, he didn't feel a spark? What? But I'm awesome! OK, I'm over it.) He appreciated my honestly and I felt totally liberated. Yes, it's super awkward, but think of how much time (and money) we both saved each other from just a little honesty. Imagine if everyone was that honest? Wouldn't dating and every life situation be so much more pleasant? I'd like to think so.